metamour vs paramour

[…]Such a great word!

You put a magnet down next to another one and stuff just happens.I’m rambling now. That’s artificial and coercive and could probably be handled better.OTOH, my sense of Aggie’s idea of a metamour is that it’s not a relationship in the typical love-friend-acquiantance area, but rather it’s something like… my son started reading a book and the ideas he’s getting from it have affected our relationships, for better or worse.

I guess for me the term metamour best describes the physical relationship he and I share as separate and individual partners to a common partner.

Thanks for attempting to clarify, but I still find your line of reasoning a bit hard to follow.One the one hand, you seem to be saying that people in poly relationships are first and foremost individuals who deserve respect and consideration. It is my belief that this will only help us to grow stronger, closer and deeper in our relationship. When you’re this far off the standardrelationship escalator, you can’t afford to make assumptions about how relationships work, or about partners or metamours. He is an old partner that she’s reconnected with since we partnered up.

That couldn’t be further from the truth.In actuality, what I was talking about was the cultural script prevalent in The Polyamory Community that dictates how metamours should behave toward one another.

If you are an adult beyond the age of about 30, and if you don’t have (and especially if you aren’t obviously seeking) a This may be why “cheating” is common, acknowledged and quasi-accepted in mainstream culture (although it’s vilified), while metamours have been largely invisible and thus ignored. 3.

It’s early on, but so far, so good.Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:Life and love from way, way off the Relationship Escalator I enjoyed it even more than the other one.One thing that I notice about the term “metamour” is that it may give the impression that one’s metamour is also, by implication, one’s “amour” (the “meta” working as an adjective sort of thing).

Belle and Claire CAN’T have a relationship yet–they haven’t met each other. Such knowledge and encounters are generally taken as an excuse for horrible behavior: jealous rages, physical assaults, breaking stuff, abandonment, abuse, cold silence, sexual rejection, cutting sarcasm, shunning, backstabbing, humiliation, aggressive competition, ridicule, blame, accusations, crying jags, drinking binges, storming out, moving out, hysterical phone calls, clinginess, revenge, and more.“Death Becomes Her” — Bad lessons from a 1992 dark comedy about metamour relations…After all, that’s how “love triangles” always work out in the movies.

(I use the term ‘metamour’ exactly the same way the author does.) PIVOT: Colloquial In a vee relationship, the person who has two partners. In fact, those situations are fairly rare in the poly community.Still, the kind of honesty that’s the hallmark of polyamory means that even if your various partners aren’t intimate with each other, they still have a connection with each other.

There’s some kind of cause-and-effect influence happening, but it’s not necessarily intentional.

Do you find it to be a useful concept, and word? How do you use it — or do you prefer other language? We all play video games together, and she’s met my partner at my house a couple times. In other words, it’s non-consensual, but it’s also not really coercive. I find that disgusting.It is often explained away by poly-community apologists who use the idea that metamours “should” know and be nice to each other and what have you to diminish, silence, and excuse oppressive behaviors of a couple that hurt “secondaries.” They do this primarily by using the word “metamour” to convince people how to behave, rather than using the word simply to mean a relational position of two people in a network.Hi Maymay. Some terms contain commentary; anything following the word Links in the definitions will take you to other definitions on this page unless the links are in This web site represents hundreds of hours of work.

lover | paramour | As nouns the difference between lover and paramour is that lover is one who loves and cares for another person in a romantic way; a sweetheart, love, soulmate, boyfriend, or girlfriend while paramour is an illicit lover, either male or female.

If you’d like to send me some notes about that after the session, I might run it as a guest post.Thanks for the reminder, MayMay — it’s on my to-do list to summarize, link to, and comment on Rebecca’s excellent presentation in a future post here.Thank you for this post. I know that he wants her to be his mono partner, to supplant me as “primary” at the very least.

Interesting point about mainstream monos‘ acceptance yet vilification of cheating because it is not as bad as publicly presenting a vague partnership situation. I just keep loving her unconditionally…… and him as I find ways to accomplish that.Very well said.